Friday, March 5, 2010

The accessorized Kamasutra of skateboarding #1

Skateboarding is all about positions. Whether we are conscious of it or not. A paunchy 30 year-old skateboarder thinks immediatley of Steve Caballero at the sight of a crooked neck. A lazy back foot on a 3-6 shove-it(a Yo 3-6 shove-it, Watson would say) would remind the youngest of us of our frenchy redhead who made the headlines after a perfect execution of the formerly-evoked maneuver during the Tampa am (0:10).

Well, I think the time to theorize all this silly nonsense has come. 2010 shall see the creation of the first Accessorized Kamasutra of Skateboarding. Its purpose is to categorize and explain the origins of these famous feet positions, awkward finger gestures or G-code postures. And perhaps we shall laugh at them a bit on the way and realize that we are all, somehow, guilty of them as well

1- The Bastien

This fresh-connoted position owes its name to the famous French self-cheering switch heelfliper newly reconverted into a guitar hero. It has to be adopted when approaching massive double sets, massive blocks or perhaps, if you are not very reckless like myself, massive flatground. The purpose of this position is to make clear to the external observer that you are riding switchstance and that you are a merciless disciple of aggressive skateboarding from the hood.It will enable you to throw weighty sw heels, sw fs 360s, sw heels nose manny if your dealing with a manual pad from Parallel or even sw fs 360 boards if you're are approching a handrail.
The outfit to adopt such a position is crucial. Any breach to the following accessories can turn you into an impostor instantly and get your ass kicked by the most radical skate-rats:

-the pants: nylon pants such as those proliferating in videos during the late 90s - early 00s would be the best. However, Flo-Marfaing-like sweatpants such as those I am sporting would do the job perfectly
-the Lordz t-shirt endorsed by the inventor of the posture in the brand's masterpiece They Don't Give a Fuck About Us.
-the cap: back in those days the New Era trend was not raging and the caps were sticker-free, however you can opt for an adjustable cap or a flex-fit (with a curved peak, of course).
-the sweatband on the arm: self-cheering and contest-winning can be very exhaustive activities. Consequently, the sweatband can prove itself to be very useful after a lenghty run including 13 declensions of the bs kick flip.
-the shoes with cupsoles: yes, back in those days vulcanized soles were to be sported only by TNT. Besides the extra cushioning might prove itself to be useful it you intend to dive over a double set. Now, you guys might be wondering why I am wearing cupsoles when I am only skating flatground. For my defense, I have a weak ankle and... well, I just like cupsoles. So fuck you guys!

The most famous disciples of this position: Bastien Salabanzi, Brian Wenning, Brian Brow, Florentin Marfaing, Frank Barratierro...
Feel free to add your own to the list.

3 comments:

  1. Wenning use to wear coton pants ! aka "le jog'"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Indeed, a lod of "jogs" in the DC video, but a lot of nylon pants in Photosynthesis.
    Oh, yeah, check his position before the sw bs nosegrind pop out. Classic example.

    ReplyDelete